Tonight, the guy I'm dating and I are going stargazing. He'll be at my house around 8PM. He'll meet the "boys", and I'll give him a private concert . I even got a "Surfing Snoopy Doll" from work that I 'm going to give him :) Then, we'll go to dinner somewhere, followed by driving up to Hilltop Park and laying out a blanket and pillows for stargazing. I hope it will be the perfect setting for what I want to tell him.
I talked with Chris 1.0 at length about how I'm scared to have an emotional conversation with him because I'm afraid to be hurt. For some reason, it's okay for me to try and try with crappy men, because if I get rejected, I can always blame it on them or the fact they don't enjoy the sex. But putting yourself out there in an emotional way makes you so much more vulnerable to being hurt. If he rejects me, it's completely on the basis of who I am. But if I don't put myself out there, I may lose this opportunity to have what I've really been looking for.
How do you just up and tell someone "I'm falling for you" after only knowing them for 3 weeks? I feel so foolish, but whoever coined the phrase "smart in love"? There are about 10 things that can go wrong, and only one thing that can go right. I feel like I'm playing a bad game of Russian Roulette. Is this what "putting yourself out there" is supposed to feel like? I just hope that if things don't go the way I want, that I don't break down and cry in front of him. That would just be adding insult to injury. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? I'll tell you tomorrow... :P
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