"Family"

What is family and how do you discern who qualifies as a member? Dictionary.com defines famils as, "a group of related things or people: ex - the family of romantic poets; the halogen family of elements. " Is family based on the typical bloodline? That seems to be the status quo concerning our use of the term. According to our definition, it definitely fits into the schema - related by blood and genetics.

But the word family must imply something deeper than blood. In my opinion, it should encompass many facets that relate one person to the other. In the quintessential genetic family, we could say that you are related to your parents and siblings by genetics, upbringing, moral and social values, time (assuming you know your family for your first 18 years of life), and shared experiences. All of these things have the possibility for making a great representation of the word "family" - a group of related things or people.

But the question then is, what if your own family unit does not meet up to the standards of the quintessential genetic family? What if your family only shares genetics, as the name implies? Is it truly a family? I think not.

I regard my family as Jenni, Mom, Bo, and Chelle. As per the quintessential genetic family, I shall now do an inventory of the various qualities:

GENETICS - Mom, Bo, and Jenni are all fully related to me by blood. Chelle is my half-sister, a child of my mother from a past marriage.

UPBRINGING - Being the youngest of 3 children (and being the favorite), my sisters and I all grew up to be profoundly different people probably due to the different ways in which our parents treated each of us. Chelle had more expectations on her because she was the oldest. Jenni had no expectations on her because she was born with physical disabilities, and I, after my sisters had failed in amounting to much, was the last hope of the family to make something of myself. The different parenting styles lended themselves to favoritism and pitting one sibling against the other. Between parent and child, my sisters and I were raised in an American society, and my parents in a typical Vietnamese society.

MORAL & SOCIAL VALUES - I think this is where we all differ the most, and are the same in the most negative of ways. While we all believe in being strong and independent, we all go about it a different way. My mother is a Renaissance woman, able to do anything and needing no man. Jenni finds her strength in manipulating men to do her bidding. Chelle finds her strength in her aggressiveness and overbearing manner. Bo finds his strength in being the person who is in control of any situtation (even if it means compromising those around him). And I find my strength in the approval of others and accomplishments which garner praise. Anyone can see that by our very natures that we cannot share the same moral and social values.

TIME - During my first 18 years of life, I can honestly say the maximum time I've spent with each family member from most to least would be: Mom, Jenni, Chelle, Bo. However, I only spent 16 years with my Mom, 14 with Jenni, 11 with Chelle, and 9 with Bo. Due to divorce, abuse, foster homes, moving out due to coming of age, running away from home, and other such events, I haven't spent all of my 18 formidable years with any of my family. Of course, I share the closest bond with my mother and the bond decreases as time spent together decreases. I'm not blaming anyone; it's just a fact of life.

SHARED EXPERIENCES - The shared experiences I have with my family are all of physical/mental abuse and support (or non-support) in my musical efforts. Taking this in, these are not good shared experiences to have.

In conclusion, it is apparent to me (as well as the casual onlooker) that my family does not fit the definition - a group of related things or people.

The question now is, how shall I deal with the situation at hand? I could do partition of sale of the home, but I couldn't do that to my mother who I owe the most to. Can I stay on the title of the house and just not contribute to the mortgage? Is that legal? Am I willing to give up all that I've worked for in building a great studio? Do I back down to what I regard as basically strangers? Or do I stand up for a dying cause? I'm so unsure... but I do know that nothing will ever be the same. This is a defining point in my life, and I don't want to make a decision I will regret later. I just wish I knew which way to turn...