Closure and Submission

Mr. MIA is no longer MIA. In fact, he has been pronounced dead as of March 30th, 2007.

*insert eulogy*

"Mr. MIA was possibly the one person I fawned over the most in my life. He received my praise, adoration, respect, and limitless attention and love. I can't even count the number of times I've gone out of my way to be there for him, even sacrificing my own dignity and self-worth to do so. But in the end, he was just one messed up piece of shit that I should have never bothered with in the first place."

No, but really... I finally got some closure on the whole situation. It really shouldn't have taken me this long, but I just needed to draw it out until the bitter end (I'm tragic like that) :P He admitted that he's just too fucked up in the head and can't bring himself to trust people or have faith in relationships. He went on to say that he's just an asshole for no apparent reason. I guess that kind of behavior explains why he was admitted to a mental hospital when he was younger. At least I know he hasn't been cheating on me. Being that fucked up, how could you? ;)

The funny part is that his lack of faith in sharing his life with someone he can trust and love has bled into my own life. I think a large part of my world just fell through to accomodate the idea that maybe I'll grow, live, and die alone as well. It's not that I've lost hope, it's just that I'm not naive enough to think that I'm the Queen Bee anymore, no matter how high I hold my self-regard. It's perfectly possible that I'll never experience a truly deep and meaningful relationship, the way I've always imagined it would be like, with an amazing man for as long as I live.

And from that, I realize that having a man is not all it's cracked up to be. I can support myself financially, emotionally, and physically without a male complement to myself. What males do offer is a nice sexual release every once in awhile and the security of knowing someone is there to take care of you when you do fall down. But while I'm living with my family, I don't need the latter. And with men so quick to take a roll in the hay, finding the former is easy as pie. I should know - I found it twice this weekend.