Chris is Right

Mediocrity is not my style, not matter how I try to twist and turn it around. All this time, I thought it was me who was subpar, trying to blend into everyone else. But the fact remains is that I do stand out (and for good reason!) Not every 23 y/o girl can claim the major successes I've had as a musician, writer, teacher, and human being. I've endured things people couldn't even fathom, AND come out on top. How many people could be put through the wringer of life and still be able to say they earn $50K a year and have talent and intelligence to burn.

Chris is right. I've got to wake the fuck up! Birds of a feather flock together, and medicrity clashes with my wardrobe. It's no wonder I don't have patience for people who don't rise to the occasion. I never let myself be anything less than my best in the past, and I shouldn't start now. And as for the people I keep in my life, I can't sit around and wait for people to become more than what was hoped for. It's not my job to search for the ugly ducklings and then nurture them - because no one did that for me. I became strong of my own acord - not from someone who spoon fed me who I should be.

And I realize now that I can't do that with Bryan - he is who he is. And after my talk with him the other day about me needing to hear from my boyfriend every night to hear how his days was and connect, and him promising to change - that he'll "show me"... the very next night, there's not even a call or text message showing that he even thought of me after he got off work. It's apparent now that he's not ready to be a boyfriend, nor is he ready to have a girlfriend.

He told me that I have to "enjoy the moment more", which is pretty much the same as "whatever happens, happens" I HATE that phrase! No one succeeds by letting life pass them by and not seizing opportunity. And it's exactly that kind of mentality that I'm voluntarily surrounding myself with that needs to be purged. It's not my mentality, and it never will be. I'm a hard worker, I'm smart, I find what I want, and I get the job done. I'm not a fuck buddy - I'm marriage material. Life didn't give me lemons - because I'm drinking lemonade. I hold the hands of my students - not my boyfriends. And most of all, I don't exist to fade into a sea of faces that nobody will remember - I exist in this world to change it, and I will be remembered for it.