Therapy

I go to therapy for a variety of reasons. Something I'm working on now is releasing my inner child more often instead of bottling it up inside (I know it sounds corny). Basically, I'm so strong all the time, for my friends as a shoulder to cry on, or for myself (so I can push ahead with my goals and aspirations) that I never cry or feel much mercy for others. I'm also incredibly hard on myself and don't give myself a lot of slack - I always have to know the answer and do things the right way otherwise I feel useless.

You might say to yourself, "Those things are required for your survival as a responsible and successful adult" and I agree, but even so-called adults give themselves a pat on the back sometimes, and that's something I have trouble doing - being happy with where I'm at in life.

I've done lots of amazing things in my life - won the national championship on viola and competed internationally as the US representative, played viola on National Public Radio, solo'd and composed for various orchestras around the country, I've tutored the SAT, writing at the college level, been director of piano in LA, played film scores in the most elite studios in the industry... and even now, I'm 24 y/o working 2 jobs and making roughly $55K a year, own and run my own business, play with the La Jolla Symphony, manage a band which I compose and play for, am going back to school for my CPA, getting promoted at work, and to add to my financial and personal success, I've been engaged before and am still best friends with my some of my ex'es.

However, for me, nothing is good enough. I want to make 6 figures by the time I'm 35, I hope to find my partner for life one day, and so on and so on and so on. You see, it's hard for me to be satisfied with myself because I don't usually respect others. And because I don't respect others, I don't want to live mundane lives like they do where they stagnate and just die off. But because I detest living a lackluster life, I tend to suck all the fun out of just living and being happy. So yeah... it's all weird and cyclical as you can see.

In therapy, I do affirmations like "I accept myself as who I truly am" to try to embrace my inner child and let myself just be innocent. Whereas most people tend to not take enough responsibility for their lives, I tend to do so so much that I beat myself up over it.

Therapy for me is an hour where I don't have to have all the answers and "be all that I can be".

Talk about issues, huh? :P